In Crisis We Need Others

I was walking by a very nice lakeside home in Austin the other day. It was several stories high, had a nicely landscaped yard and was surrounded by a professionally installed fence.

However, as I approached the home, one I'd never seen before, I quickly noticed several signs. "Keep Out," "Private Property," "No Parking," and "Our guard dog can reach this fence in 3 seconds. Can you?"  I immediately thought, "How welcoming!"  I later learned that the people who live there have lots of money and are bored with life. Too bad they don't know that inviting people into your life can be a great cure for boredom and lots of other things.

It's especially important to not shut others out when we're going through hard times. While there are those who climb alone they are emotionally at a disadvantage. There's something energizing, powerful and encouraging when we go through crises with someone else nearby.

Those people may be relatives, friends, coworkers or neighbors. We don't need to include everyone but we need to include someone.

How are these fellow climbers helpful?  First of all they provide perspective. While we don't need know-it-all or easy answer people around us, wise friends can help us see our blind spots or things we could be doing that would help us on our journey.

Second, they offer someone to talk to. Sometimes during a challenging time we just need to talk things through and have someone listen to our thoughts, pains and concerns. That alone can be uplifting.

Third, they can provide incentive and the encouragement to keep going. Runners regularly use people who help them keep their pace going. Fellow travelers on our journey can do the same. They can remind us that the top is in view or to stop and see the views along the route. They can be there when we're ready to quit and remind us that we must go on and why.

Finally, they can offer us spiritual help. Great friends who pray are worth a lot. They can also help us see the difference between true thoughts and untrue ones.  Jesus wisely said that the truth will set us free.

So, if you're on a particularly tough journey, climbing a high personal mountain, invite some people to climb with you. They may have climbed your journey before you or just be willing to go with you. Either is fine.  Just don't climb alone.

Being Honest About Our Pain In A Crisis

My wife and I have been grandson-sitting for 2 year old Liam the past five days while his parents are out of town. So of course we have a lot of fun, play many games and read scores of books. And while we don't expect him to be some sort of super-kid, we do see him eager to learn, picking up a lot of facts, trying to count and the like.

So periodically we'll ask him what color something is. However, he's clearly not distinguishing them yet and at this point always says, "green." No problem though - that's what two-year-olds do. However, hurting people can also sound like our little grandson when asked what color they are. I'm referring to when people ask them about how they are doing or there is an opportunity for them to be real and honest with people who truly care.

Their version of green is to simply suggest they are fine, don't need anything or are much better. They feel like they must climb their mountain alone, stay anonymous about their pain and avoid anyone else's help.

Let me suggest a couple of reasons why we need to be real when we're in a painful crisis. First, we will have more resources to live life if we allow others to help. We're not only dealing with our struggle but we have to do the everyday things too - work, parent, shop, whatever.

Second, we give others the reward of helping us. When we won't be helped we actually steal from the healing and comfort others might receive by assisting in our time of need.

Third, we learn humility that will help us in other areas of life. I remember when my wife Jackie had cancer we had scores of people come to our aid. However, we had been in pastoral ministry for many years and were mostly used to helping others not being helped. God gave us an extra and needed measure of humility when we started to let others walk beside us.  And we certainly became more understanding when others were going through a similar journey.

So, whatever your struggle and no matter how high your mountain let some fellow climbers join you on your journey. Don't tell people you're just green all the time. Be honest when you can, share your hurts, hard times and disappointments. Because as Kermit the Frog often says, It's not easy being green.

Successful Climbers Need Great Team Members

I saw a bank ad the other day that caught my eye. It gave the bank's name followed by, "Working with a partner you can trust." Of course they wanted to convince us that we should bank with them because we could count on them to be honest, do the right thing and take good care of us. And perhaps that bank does just that. It didn't happen to be mine.

But when we're climbing a mountain in life, having partners we can trust is even more important for a successful trek. There are several things that a trustworthy climbing partner can and must do. Be relentless about finding people who meet these criteria.

They must let you climb at your own pace. Sure there's a place for helpful prodding, encouragement and accountability, but there are no life climbs where everyone travels at the same speed. Every grief, cancer, depression, job loss and marriage failure journey is a unique one. Any partner who thinks they have a stock plan or agenda for you isn't going to be a helpful partner.

Second, they must let you tell your story unless you give them permission. There are lots of people out there who use your story and your climb for their own selfish purposes such as to get more attention or sound like they're especially knowledgeable. But great friends let you be the owner of your story and tell it when you're ready.

Third, they must stay with you when you're at your worst. I was climbing Long's Peak a number of years ago with my son. Somewhere around Boulder Field we caught up with a young woman who had been left by the rest of her group to fend for herself. They apparently didn't want to wait. She hiked with us the rest of the way. Sometimes people will only partner with us when we're meeting their expectations but leave at the first sign of discouragement.

Fourth, they must know what it is to climb themselves. Yes, their story and experiences may differ but they have to be able to feel some of the emotions you feel so they don't resort to offering mere platitudes and easy answers.

So climb on. Don't quit. But be sure to take along some great team members who you can trust to stay with you, love you and encourage you even during the worst.

The Brotherhood of the Rope

There's a phrase that most mountain climbers clearly understand.  It's known as  "The Brotherhood of the Rope."  It describes that bond, confidence and mutual reliance on one another that happens when climbers are roped together during their ascent.

There's a special sense that at that moment they need each other, that they have each others' backs and that making it to the top will be easier and better when they work together.

Brotherhood or working with others is essential for any mountain we're facing. There's something energizing and empowering when we climb with others.

Those fellow climbers may be relatives, church friends, neighbors or others facing the same personal mountain we're facing.  But it's important that we seek them out, tell our story and begin the climb together.  We may feel like we don't want others to know our struggle but don't go it alone.

Yes, in climbing circles there are solo climbers, some who even free climb without ropes. And sadly, many of them are dead. Sure there's nothing wrong with taking on a real mountain by yourself but most would tell you it's ultimately very dangerous.  It's rarely worth the risk.

So perhaps you are facing your new personal mountain for the first time or maybe you've been climbing it awhile. Whatever the case find some people to join you.  Get into a support group, call some friends, share the journey with some fellow strugglers.  God puts people around us for a reason.

And when you get to that next vista on your climb . . . you'll have someone to share it with.  Never quit climbing!