Mountains Are Always Unpredictible

I am writing this post from Ft. Collins, Colorado. You can see the mountains at times from here but most often you only see the foothills unless you're in just the right place. Driving here from Texas however reminded us often that you never know what to expect when you head for the higher elevations.

At one point the big mountains were encased in clouds and then thirty minutes later the sun was shining through those same clouds. Not long after it looked like the skies were about to open up from an approaching thunderstorm and yet we only experienced a few drops of rain where we were.

I think back to climbs of 14er's we've done over the years and remember the sleet, hail and even lightning we encountered after starting out in blue sky and perfect temperatures. You never know.

It is wise in life climbing to also remember and accept that our mountains may not always give us what we thought they might. Pain comes unexpectedly, people let us down, our bodies don't heal or perform as we'd hoped and the trail is steeper than we could have imagined. Storms come out of nowhere some of the time.
God allows challenges to come our way even though we don't understand the reason.

So, how do prepare for life in ever changing mountain surroundings?   There are no ways to keep bad things from happening but we can do a few things to prepare well.  Let me suggest some:

First, accept the unpredictabilities of your climb. If we at least expect that it probably won't be easy at some point we'll be more prepared and better able to handle the challenges without giving up. We would love to have every day be a blue sky day (and there are some to be sure), but we're wiser to plan for sudden changes. They are more likely.

Second, listen to the wise people around you who have walked the trail before you. Most of our predecessors knew what they were doing and so they speak truth worth listening to. Remember the outstanding climbers in 1996 who knew and were told to be off the summit of Everest by a certain agreed upon time but didn't listen and follow the guidelines of other experienced climbers. They died in part because they didn't listen to the wise voices continuing to speak truth to them.

Third, be as prepared as  you can before you leave.  I have written about this in other posts so go back and look  one up that talks about things you can take with you (and not take with you) on your climb.

Remember, mountains have no nationality, personal preferences or loyalties to anyone. They are what they are and often that means dangerous so it's up to us to know what we will do in spite of their unrelenting fierceness.

Unexpected challenges on a climb of any kind should be a welcomed adventure not a horrible tragedy. 

There is a Place For Faith in Climbing

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive or perhaps I'm really on to something but it seems like faith, believing in God and living one's life by a higher moral code are dirty words these days. The media certainly seems to adhere to that view since they rarely write positively, if at all, about religious organizations or people (Tim Tebow comes to mind here).

Television and radio talk shows, except for a few with a conservative bent, are filled for the most part with celebrity guests  who are all about themselves and have little use for a higher power, even those stars in rehab.

But there's a problem with this fear-of-faith perspective.  We live by faith all the time. If you're a climber you certainly know what I mean. You have faith that your gear will not fail you, that it will hold you while you're hundreds of feet up a wall. You commit to it, whether you like it or not. In everyday life we put faith in our chairs, cars and stairs. We are not certain that any of them will not be a part of injuring us, but we readily use them anyway.

That's why it's at least intellectually more honest and while climbing the mountains of life more helpful to leave ourselves open to faith in something or better yet Someone bigger than we are. Mountains certainly remind us of that every time we climb. You don't have to become a religious fanatic to consider believing in God and what He might do to help you live more fully and joyfully.

But it is possible that you will discover that God is actually your rope, the One who keeps you from truly falling to your death, who helps you overcome and live beyond the hum-drum of everyday life.  But you say, "But I'm not certain of a God or that He will at least keep His promises."  True, but remember you're not certain that your gear will always work. But you trust it anyway using all of your rational capabilities to choose the best and to make sure that gear is climbing-ready.

So today if you are a person of faith, then let that faith help you climb higher and better. Test the power of "the rope" like never before and reach places that you thought you'd never reach.

And if you have put faith considerations aside think about giving faith another shot. Maybe it will be reading a Bible, going to a church, talking to a friend or just praying on your own. You decide. Nonetheless, you will be at least giving yourself an opportunity to climb through life with a perspective, joy and fulfillment that you have never experienced before.

And when you realize that God is a rope who never fails, you just might wonder how you climbed without Him before.

Watch Out For The Hidden Fees in Life

We were recently booking airfares with a discount airline that will remain nameless. However, while their fares looked extremely reasonable, significantly better than the others we were considering, we discovered that there was an extra fee for most everything.

You paid extra for a carry-on or if you didn't check that carry-on in online before the flight. You paid extra if you wanted to book a seat ahead of time and even more if you wanted a special seat of any kind. There was a whole page of extra fees listed on their website.  When it was all said and done their prices weren't that much less at all.

The same can be true in life and especially as we climb our personal mountains or face challenges. Certain people and experiences come with extra fees that can take their toll and cost us even more than we planned on.

For example, some people who appear to want to be helpful to us are not. They call us too much, they want to tell us how to fix our problems and in reality they want to help us more for their benefit than ours. Their helping us becomes more of a burden than a joy. They come with hidden fees.

Or, making big decisions at the wrong time can be costly. We sometimes make large purchases, switch jobs or move somewhere else while we're hurting badly.  It feels good at the time and perhaps dulls the pain for a while, but most experts say that we should save those big events for at least a year or two after a major loss or challenge. They too will likely have extra costs, often emotional ones, that we didn't anticipate.

We also likely pay a price when we isolate ourselves too much. We think that no one wants to be around us or that we don't have anything to offer others because of what we've been through. Actually the opposite is true. We often have much to give simply because we have been down a road that others have not. We may be able to provide them with counsel and encouragement that they need for their journey. Other people (except for the kind mentioned above) can remind us that life does go on and that we do still have a place.

Living life alone usually brings more hardship and challenge not less.

So, like a lot of purchases we might make, watch out for the hidden fees in everyday living. Make sure you've counted the cost as the Bible suggests and looked into the implications of your decisions or relationships before you get in too deep. Save your precious emotional resources for a better day.

Going On Even When Bad Things Happen

There was a poignant movie that came out in the last few years called Super 8. It describes a time during the summer of 1979 when a group of friends witness a train crash and investigate subsequent unexplained events in their small town.

But there was an especially profound line in that movie that I've not forgotten.  Bad things happen but you can still live.  Unfortunately, a lot of people who face big time challenges or mountains in their lives don't know that. They somehow think that real, meaningful and purposeful life for them ended at some point. They feel paralyzed and spend most of their time just existing not living.

The good news is that we don't have to allow our circumstances to dictate whether we can still embrace life or not. Yes, there may be obstacles to overcome and life may be forever changed in some way but we can still live fully and vibrantly.

Here are some suggestions that might help.

First, take inventory and be reminded and thankful for what you still have.  Do you still have family, a home, resources, certain aspects of good health?  The list will depend on what you have and have not lost. Everyone's situation will be different. But be thankful for and enjoy what is still there. It matters.

Second, go do some things that you still enjoy. Music, sports, recreation, dancing, reading, socializing.  Go at your own pace, you may need to grieve or recuperate but start somewhere. Move. Depressed people often stay depressed because they think they can't function normally anymore. That's a lie and you need to convince yourself of that by taking action.

Third, serve someone else. It might be for someone going through something similar to yours or who is actually behind you on their journey. Go and care for them, teach them what you know while still growing yourself.  Often when we focus on others we get the attention off of us.

Finally, pray. You may not have a faith or spiritual background but I am confident that God is strongest when we are the weakest and that it grieves Him, too, to see us stuck. Ask Him to give you new strength, perspective and initiative. He still has a purpose for you, you know.

Yes, bad things happen to us all and they are not all our fault.  But we can take them on and still live.  In fact, we must. There's lot of life to still be lived.

 

Helping Others In Crisis Helps You Too

I've never been physically paralyzed in any way and hope I never will. The closest feeling might be that of having my arm or leg fall asleep but of course it soon returned to normal.

But there have been times when I've felt paralyzed emotionally and I'll bet you have too. This feeling is especially rampant after or while we're going through a crisis. We don't want to move, to try anything challenging or reach out to anyone. Some stay in bed, others become couch potatoes while another group find solace in the bottle or more sex or harder work.

But they all are emotionally paralyzed. They really don't accomplish much and spend most of their time wallowing in their pain. Could that possibly describe you right now?

Yes, we do need time during crisis to slow down, to reprogram, find true north again and work through our pain with a competent counsel or minister, we don't need to succumb to full paralysis.   In fact, that hurts us more and keeps us from growing, healing and moving ahead.

So what do we do?  Well, one suggestion is to serve others. Yes, reach out to someone else in need and begin to focus on their situation, their struggle and their needs. When we serve others we take the focus a bit off of our pain. We begin to discover that others are hurting too. We start to get new life and energy breathed into us as we walk through a struggle with another person.

Perhaps you can start small. Try just being present with someone who's gone through a hard period of time. Give a little money to help someone out. Go serve at a local ministry, non-profit or church.

Ideally, find something that either uses what you have learned from your experiences or your own personal struggle. If you care for someone with similar needs to yours you will share with them in ways the rest of us never could. You'll begin to see some purpose and meaning in your trials and discover that God hasn't given up on you either.

So don't stay in your emotional wheelchair.  You're not paralyzed and starting to live with that understanding could change everything - including you!

Things To Avoid When The Worst Happens

By now we've all heard about the terrible shooting, loss of life and injury that took place at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. Lots of lives, though able to be helped and healed, will still never be the same. Some loved ones will never come back and memories of that night will linger in many minds for years to come.

Typically many of us have never experienced the shock and intense pain of a sudden accident, death or other tragedy. So our first response is to try to quickly reduce the hurt for those impacted or ourselves. We probably want to help deep down inside but, sadly, when we do that we tend to hurt more and either delay the healing to come or make it more difficult.

So let me suggest some things, words and responses to stay away from when we or someone we know has faced one of life's trainwrecks or disasters.

First, don't offer simplistic answers. Some of them can be religious  in nature. God meant for this to happen or God needed your little girl in Heaven more. 

Others might have political overtones. This is the fault of all those Tea Party nuts or those liberals who want to get rid of all our laws. A third group of responses are probably more heartfelt but just as unhelpful: Everything's going to be fine or it's going to all work out in the end or they're in a better place now.

Second, a related warning is, don't minimize what happened. Of course be sensitive to how much they can hear right now. But the events in Aurora, for example, were the result of an evil, terrible person. To talk about it as a mere tragedy or their loved one happening to just be in the wrong place at the wrong time waters down their loss.

Third, don't talk too much. And even if we avoid some of the above poor answers we can just keep talking to hurting people because we feel awkward and terrible when everything is quiet. But a simple, Hey, I'm here for you and ready to listen when you feel like talking. The better option over talking is to just be there for them. Your presence will matter as much as anything.

Fourth, don't dominate their time and do not let others overdo their welcome either. Often people want to rush to the hurting person not thinking that there are probably dozens of others thinking the same thing. It's OK to tell friends that the person isn't ready for a lot of visitors yet but has their needs being met right now.  And if we're one of those close friends we need to be sure to give our loved ones permission to ask us to leave and give them time alone.   Better yet we should move on before they need to ask us.

I hope most of us never face anything as disastrous (and evil) as Aurora or Columbine or Oklahoma City. But most of us will have to face a huge loss with someone we know and love. Let's be sure we are prepared to help them walk through that hard time with love, true care and kindness.

Don't Run From Your Pain . . . It Sometimes Helps

I recently endured two somewhat painful procedures. One was to remove some melanoma from my scalp. The second was to have a wisdom tooth extracted. While not equal to that of childbirth (though at times I wondered), each event resulted in some significant pain that I would have rather skipped, thank you.

However, both doctors involved reminded me right up front that to avoid this pain meant that I would likely incur far greater hurt, discomfort or, in the case of the melanoma, even death later on. And when my doctor uses the word fatal in one of our discussions I listen!

I know that at other times in life I've also wished I could have avoided all sorts of relational or emotional pain as well. Struggles with family, friends, coworkers, for example. Difficult situations with my children or a close acquaintance have all brought their share of pain.

And while there is nothing wrong with trying to lower our pain at times, like taking medication for a migraine, we need to sometimes embrace and accept some of our less controllable pain as potentially helpful and able to make us grow beyond where we might have gone without it. Why?

Pain helps us understand the pain of others better.  So often we're called on to be there for someone else and many times we really don't know what they're going through. As a result we say too much, do unhelpful things and trivialize their struggle.

Pain can teach us to receive help from others.  When my wife Jackie went through her cancer we received food, rides and many other gracious touches that we were almost embarrassed to need. But our weakness actually gave other people the opportunity to be blessed and to serve us. Our humility grew.

Pain can remind us that we often put too much worth on our comforts and easy lifestyles.  As a result we get inward-focused, we leave God and faith out of our life for the most part and miss seeing the needs of others around us.

So while I hope you can find some relief for your current challenges, I also encourage you to use these times for good - to open your eyes, give you new appreciation for what you have and to be a better friend and companion. Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.  Tim Hansel

Making A Difference Makes A Difference

Mark suffers from significant depression. It's not all his fault. Much of his down-ness is a result of clinical, physiological factors. Nonetheless, he feels lonely and discouraged most of the time. He thinks he's been a failure with his kids who are now adults.

I don't think a day goes by when Mark isn't confronted by the blackness of his despair.

And yes, Mark needs medications prescribed by a psychiatrist and has tried most of them, if not all. He's currently trying a new electronic stimulus regimen that has shown some promise. I wish him the best in that.

However, it's important to know that there are typically parts of depression that those who suffer can do something about, even those with cases as severe as Mark's. No, we can't treat the biological factors but we can do something about those symptoms that come from a different place - our mind.

And one of the prevailing thoughts of people who are depressed is that they simply do not matter any more.  They've come to believe that they serve little to no meaningful purpose in this life and that nothing they do any more really makes a difference. And of course that kind of thinking only fuels their depression rather than helping it.

So what does someone who thinks they don't matter any more do? They act in ways that matter.  Or as the title of this article suggest, making a difference makes a difference!

How can that happen if you or someone you know is depressed?  Go back and take inventory of your gifts, talents and resources.  Remind yourself what you still have to offer others.

Second, start using those resources to serve someone else. Depending on your condition you may have to start simple and small, but start somewhere. Volunteer at your church or a nearby shelter, do something kind for a neighbor, offer to assist at the school or just intentionally do something extra special for your family.

Third, chart your progress. Journal, keep a notebook, meet with a counselor, or whatever but periodically take note of how you  have moved on and what you have done for others.

Start making a difference again. Build into someone else's life and get the attention and focus off of you. Because making a difference now will make all the difference later.

Hope: From Cactus To Flower

The past few weeks have brought an unusual number of pressures and challenges to my wife and me. The latest is a family illness where the unknowns bring significant emotional angst. We've also both been traveling, much of it separately, and our physical reserves are pretty low right now, too. Sleeping has been irregular and interrupted much of the time.


Nonetheless, Jackie, upon returning home from her trip, went to the store and bought some new little cacti to put out on the balcony of our condo. She really didn't have time to re-pot them or anything but planned to do that within a couple of days. Three of them sat for a day or so just outside the door wall.


However, the next day, Jackie looked and each of them had bloomed with a beautiful yellow flower. They brought tears to her eyes and a lump in my throat later to realize that from the middle of those prickly extensions came beauty that we had not seen before.


That was an important reminder that yes good can come from bad. That the miraculous can rise from evil. That resurrection comes after the burial. That joy can result from mourning. That life in God always wins over death.


You, too, may be experiencing your own challenges these days. And it's easy to only see and feel the sharp edges of them. The pain, sadness and even feelings of despair can be overwhelming.


And picturing a potential flower won't remove the cactus but it can help you deal with it better. It can assist you in coping, keep you from remaining paralyzed and help you remember that God may be doing something beautiful in and through your circumstances that you simply can't see. Keep watching for the flower.

Are You Worried About Too Many Things At Once?

My grandson has one of those interactive games that talks back to you as you make your way through varying levels. At one point in the game, the voice responds with. Let's focus on the trouble spot.

When I heard that I thought, "That's something more of us need to do when we're going through hard times, when our emotions may have the best of us and life is overwhelming."  Focus on the trouble spot or at least the one that is causing us the most anguish right now.

So often we have lots of things to worry about on our life journeys and climbs, but it will help if we can give the most attention to the biggest concern and leave the others for awhile. It's part of the idea I've discussed before - climbing our mountains one step at a time.

So what would focusing on the trouble spot look like?  First, it means making sure we've identified the major trouble spot. If you're married you might want to talk about that with a spouse. If you're getting counseling talk about it with your therapist. Or just make a list and see which item is the one you think about most.

Second, once we know what the trouble is, consciously put some of the other things on hold. They may still have influence on your life but just tell yourself and others that you're not going to give them any time or intentional energy right now.

Third, starting learning more about how to deal with the troubling issue. Again you may need outside help but give yourself permission to throw more of what you have at this one thing and deal with it to the best of your ability. You will likely sense that you actually are making progress and that alone will help motivate you to continue with other areas later.

Remember, emotional paralysis is one of the main thing that keeps people from overcoming and winning over the tough things that life throws at them.

So listen to the voice that says to you this week, Let's focus on the trouble spot. It's the voice of truth and remember that Jesus said the truth will set you free.

Don't Stay Hurting Just Because of Fear

My wife and I were watching our two-and-a-half year old grandson Liam today and while we were crossing a parking lot to the playground he fell and scraped both knees a bit. It was a typical fall and the scrapes weren't too bad at all.

After we picked him up and got to the playground he was fine and played for awhile. However in the car he mentioned that his knees hurt, likely starting to sting a little, so my wife said she would clean his scrapes off when we got home. To which he replied, "Don't clean them, I want to stay hurt."

Whew! How many times have I in so many words heard those same thoughts from people in crisis or pain from their past. Don't ask me to change or get better. I'd rather just live in my hurt. 

Why won't some people climb higher and walk out of the valley of their dysfunction, pain or terrible circumstances? I think most of the time it's about fear. Fear of making a mistake, letting others down or just facing the unknown. They often don't know how to live any other way so it's easy just to stay put.

Don't live there if that represents you. It's time to get climbing and not stay hurt anymore. Yes, there are unknowns but trust me staying the same and where you are is not the answer.

First, get some help. Ask someone to counsel, mentor or just come alongside you as you take those first steps toward health, healing or restoration. It's always easier to walk uphill with someone at your side.

Second, say goodbye to the past. Literally hear yourself saying the words, Past hurts and circumstances, you have no right control my life so I will not let you control me or my progress for one more minute.  God certainly never intended for us to be run by people, events and challenges that have come into our lives. He wants to help you live in freedom, not dependency.

Third, commit to some first or next steps. Literally write down what you're going to do next to start up the hill of your climb and to get on with life. Remember happiness is a choice or as one writer put it, Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.

The Power of Remembering Our Last Summit

Climbing will at some point be hard for most people. If it's not ever hard then perhaps we're not stretching our abilities and attempting challenges bigger than we are. When it comes to life's mountains though we don't usually get a choice. They usually just start hard.

And while the journey and climb will probably be overwhelming at times and more than we can bear, there is something that can keep us motivated to continue. It's remembering our last success, the latest summit. It's going back in our minds to the moment we stood on top of that mountain, looked at the view and embraced the accomplishment and the moment it gave us.

There was a practice that God gave the Jewish people in the Old Testament.  Now and then he told them to build a monument using twelve large stones to remind them of something special He had done for them at that spot. It was their remembrance that with His help they could get through something just as difficult again.

We need to have those summit experiences as the monuments in our minds that keep us going when the new climb gets difficult. It wouldn't be all bad to just carry a picture from a previous climb. Or in the case of a life climb, we can get our pictures from the words of a friend, talking about our last success or even a momento with a few words on it that remind you that you'll make it.

Whatever works for you, do some remembering. Go back periodically and write or talk about those summits you've done. Do a blog if you're so inclined. I know one author who carries a small toy around with him wherever he goes. Others wear a cross, some carry a card with a helpful motto on it. There are scores of ways to easily remember what you've done and which will motivate you to continue even when you're feeling pretty bad.

Remember to remember. It may be part of your climbing gear and lifeline that gets you to the top.

Don't Miss Imporant Lessons in a Tragedy

We all will face some sort of devastating experience, illness, or loss in our lifetime. Some of us have even faced what may seem horribly unfair especially when compared to others. And while we should never minimize our struggle or those of others there are important things we can and must take away from and yes through even the worst of times.

Let me suggest a few.

First, we can learn more about what really matters. Many people in Austin, Texas where I currently live lost their homes to wild fires this past week. When it comes to possessions most of them have nothing or very little. But I've already heard story after story of individuals and families who still feel blessed to be alive, to hug their spouse and children and to know they can at least start over. They've realized that their stuff was just stuff.

Second, we can be reminded of what other people will do for us when we're down. Sure there are people who will always be selfish jerks. But there are many more who come alongside us when we're hurting and ask nothing in return. Churches share Christ's love in tangible ways, neighbors give of what they have even when it's not very much and people go across the city or state just to help.

Third, we will see things done for us that we will do for others later.  Often the person who cares for others most is the one who was helped the most. A woman came to our church the other day to help those impacted by the fires. Who was she? The wife of a man recently killed in a tragic accident! She knows how much even the smallest actions matter to people who are hurting. And she was reminded that her life in spite of her tragic circumstances still matters.

Yes, we must be free to hurt, grieve, rest and heal. And our journey is our journey and need not be similar to that of anyone else. We will need time and we will never totally forget the impact of our tragedy. But be sure to take the time to embrace the life lessons that can still enrich, bless and encourage you and  your family both now and for years to come, even in the worst of times.

When JETLAG Impacts Your Climbing

I've traveled overseas quite a bit, especially to Russia. And one of the things I typically dread the most is the jetlag.  It's that feeling that starts the moment you arrive in a new country or return home,  when you know that your body is still on another time very different from where you are.

For a day or two the tiredness is really strong but then starts to recede. After a few days it's just a wave that returns every now and then but you get over it much more quickly.

I'm pretty convinced that the feelings we go through when climbing a personal mountain are a bit like jetlag. At the beginning the grief, for example, is very strong but over time it gets better.

However, like jetlag we can think that our grief, depression or whatever won't come back but it does, sometimes when we least expect it.  Out of nowhere we're crying again wondering why we hurt so badly.  We begin to feel guilty that we're experiencing grief, depression or discouragement again.

I've learned something important about jetlag that applies to the rest of life as well. We can do some things to reduce and assist us with jetlag but we'll never get rid of it completely. We have to accept that its presence is normal and OK.

In the same way, those waves of emotion that show up again during our times of struggle are normal as well.  We cannot skip them, wish or pray them away.

So be encouraged.  You're likely not abnormal, messed up or in need of major therapy (though don't be afraid to get help).  If you can't beat all the emotions that accompany your climb, then as the saying says, "join them."  Embrace them, accept them, walk through them. Climb with some others who understand.

The jetlag will end and so will the worst of your struggle. Never quit climbing.