The Black Holes That Tend to Defeat Us

I'm not much of a scientist. Ok, I'm not at all a scientist. I hated biology, struggled with chemistry and almost failed physics. But I have heard of black holes in space. And while I'm sure they are complicated essentially their strong gravitational pull drags everything around them into them. In fact the term black hole is now used in everyday language to describe anything that continually consumes resources, time or energy.

Unfortunately, there are lots of everyday black holes in life that particularly hinder those of us who are climbing, climbing our own personal mountains, trying to overcome big-time challenges and the like.

Let me suggest a few as a warning and to perhaps help you separate yourself from one or more that are holding you back.

There is the black hole of your past. The things that were said about you, the disappointments you had, the goals you never reached or the failures you experienced. They  have a way of sucking the life out of us so that we never try anything, stay stuck in a dead end job or continually just dull our pain.

There is the black hole of denial.  There are things you need to face, deal with, change and admit but you keep looking the other way never wanting to face your own culpability, weaknesses and flaws.

There is the black hole of blame. In your denial, you spend much of your time blaming other people.  If only they hadn't acted or spoken a certain way your life would be so much different. And maybe that's true but your continued blame of them has you paralyzed. There are things you could do, make better and change about your thinking but your focus on others keeps you stuck.

There is the black hold of comfort. Changing, improving, overcoming and getting to the summit all require work and you're pretty comfortable where you are. You're like the people who stop at the chalet going up the mountain to have some hot chocolate and rest. The problem is they like it there so much they quit climbing and never go any further.

Do you see the problem with black holes?  They are the kind of thing that keep sucking life, energy, hope and peace out of us. Maybe you have different ones than those I've described. Face them and then destroy them. They have no right to run your life or stop your progress. Ask God to give you insight, wisdom and strength to keep going.

The black holes in space are probably there to stay but yours can be gone if you'll just demand it.

Everyone's Capable of Falling

My wife was recently in the hospital for some unexpected gall bladder surgery.  However, when she got back to her room I noticed among the assortment of security bracelets she was given, she was wearing a bright yellow one with the words FALL RISK on it. Because she had had anesthesia she was going to be a bit wobbly for a while so everyone around her got a warning. Good idea.

It might be a good idea however if we all wore one of those bracelets all the time to remind us all that we too are always capable of falling. We too are at risk.

We may have had a personal mountain to climb or be on one made of granite but we're all capable of falling. We may think that our youth or resources or confidence or even faith trumps all stumbles but none of them are guarantees.

We would all be wise to do all we can to prepare for the possibility of a fall. Should we live terrorized or in fear all the time?  Of course not. Should we never take any risks because we might go down? Never.

But we must never get cocky thinking that somehow our skills or whatever will keep us from the worst. What does that mean in our climbing?

First, it means we climb as well-prepared as possible. We take what we need for the kind of climb we're on. We take all the "gear" we need including things that we'll need in an emergency. You'll need to decide what that is or talk to some experts depending upon whether you climb is cancer, divorce, job loss or the Matterhorn.

Second, we surround ourselves with the people we need with us.  We don't get cocky thinking that we don't need others to help us on our climb. If we're grieving we get with others who've grieved before us. If we're depressed we find others who've been up the trail before us.

Third,we admit that we too are capable of falling during this climb - morally, spiritually, emotionally or yes even physically. But our admission of that possibility keeps us thinking clearly and avoiding unnecessary chances that could be destructive and harmful.

So, whatever you're climbing during this season remember you're a fall risk, too. That doesn't make you weak, however, just smart!  And more likely to make it to the top!

Sometimes a Little Fire and Heat Are Necessary

Tomorrow my wife and I get on a plane for San Francisco. After a couple of days there we'll drive to Yosemite National Park for a week of anticipated vacation, hiking and picture-taking. The problem is there are wildfires that have currently entered the park and caused hundreds of acres of damage. And while the valley has not had any fire in it per se, there have been days when the winds have blown smoke into the valley covering the beautiful peaks and cliffs.

If that happens while we're there we're going to miss out on the gorgeous views and inspiring hiking and be hugely disappointed.

However, we have to remember something important about what is transpiring there even though the cause of the fire appears to be manmade. Sometimes fire is necessary or at least helpful in the middle of beauty because it provides a natural clearing of materials that will in the long run be harmful, not helpful. Sometimes dead brush begins to pile up on top of the lush ground and will eventually be either a deadly hazard for the next fire or keep the vegetation from growing effectively.

I've seen officials in beautfiul parks in the Midwest light controlled fires to burn away that extra, needless and harmful brush so that the living vegetation can grow as it should.  But for a while, it's not pretty. The charred remains of that brush hardly look appealing or attractive.

That can often be true during our life climbs through illnesses, family challenges and personal struggles. Often there is a fire of sorts that comes out of nowhere. It adds heat, conflict and temporary ugliness to our  lives and may have even been needlessly caused by someone who was careless.

Sometimes . . . not always . . . but yes, sometimes, those fires will be for our own good and will help burn away some of the things holding us back from growing and actually climbing higher.

For example, those fires can burn away false expectations. Sometimes we are still living in past, with an old picture that we're still demanding return when in reality in never will. The fire can help us see a newer picture again and let go of returning to day that are gone.

Fires can burn away our distractions. Often we become obsessed with getting even, getting healed, returning to the past or finding an answer to "why."  But those things are usually keeping us from focusing on the present where we need to be to continue climbing well and moving forward.

Fires can also burn away unhealthy emotions. Some of us are still living with anger, despair and panic about things that can't be changed.  When we let some of the emotions go along with the reasons for them we can start climbing more freely and minus a great deal of weight that we've been carrying around.  We can see God again in our circumstances and trust him for new expectations, a new picture and new emotions.

So, are there some fires burning in your Yosemite?  Try to put them out, perhaps, but let them do the good things they can do. It will help you to keep climbing higher and better.

Mountains Are Always Unpredictible

I am writing this post from Ft. Collins, Colorado. You can see the mountains at times from here but most often you only see the foothills unless you're in just the right place. Driving here from Texas however reminded us often that you never know what to expect when you head for the higher elevations.

At one point the big mountains were encased in clouds and then thirty minutes later the sun was shining through those same clouds. Not long after it looked like the skies were about to open up from an approaching thunderstorm and yet we only experienced a few drops of rain where we were.

I think back to climbs of 14er's we've done over the years and remember the sleet, hail and even lightning we encountered after starting out in blue sky and perfect temperatures. You never know.

It is wise in life climbing to also remember and accept that our mountains may not always give us what we thought they might. Pain comes unexpectedly, people let us down, our bodies don't heal or perform as we'd hoped and the trail is steeper than we could have imagined. Storms come out of nowhere some of the time.
God allows challenges to come our way even though we don't understand the reason.

So, how do prepare for life in ever changing mountain surroundings?   There are no ways to keep bad things from happening but we can do a few things to prepare well.  Let me suggest some:

First, accept the unpredictabilities of your climb. If we at least expect that it probably won't be easy at some point we'll be more prepared and better able to handle the challenges without giving up. We would love to have every day be a blue sky day (and there are some to be sure), but we're wiser to plan for sudden changes. They are more likely.

Second, listen to the wise people around you who have walked the trail before you. Most of our predecessors knew what they were doing and so they speak truth worth listening to. Remember the outstanding climbers in 1996 who knew and were told to be off the summit of Everest by a certain agreed upon time but didn't listen and follow the guidelines of other experienced climbers. They died in part because they didn't listen to the wise voices continuing to speak truth to them.

Third, be as prepared as  you can before you leave.  I have written about this in other posts so go back and look  one up that talks about things you can take with you (and not take with you) on your climb.

Remember, mountains have no nationality, personal preferences or loyalties to anyone. They are what they are and often that means dangerous so it's up to us to know what we will do in spite of their unrelenting fierceness.

Unexpected challenges on a climb of any kind should be a welcomed adventure not a horrible tragedy. 

Finding True Riches in the Least Likely Places

I read recently that Mark Zuckerburg, founder of Facebook, only wears T-shirts and jeans most of the time. And I suppose when you're that successful you can wear whatever you want.  Nonetheless, it's kind of interesting that this billionaire goes around looking like some average college student. You would never know how rich he is by his clothing choices.

But more importantly I wonder if our children, especially here in America, know how rich they really are.  Sure, we may not have millions or billions in our bank accounts or stocks, but we truly are wealthy in so many ways. And it's vital that we remind one another at home of that.

For example, we're rich financially in comparison to the majority of the world. We often spend on one pair of shoes what much of the world earns in a week, month or year. We spend billions in this country on things that many people don't even know exist nor would they think matters like massages, make-up, sports memberships and television.

Secondly, we're rich because of our freedoms. Travel to many other foreign countries and you'll discover how monitored and regulated their worlds are. Many countries allow the police to stop you for no good reason or to keep you from saying anything negative about the government. Some places would never allow a church to be built or even meet.

Third, we're rich because of our opportunities. Yes, we're struggling a bit on the economic front but there are still myriad ways for people to succeed, expand their knowledge and live out a dream here.

Fourth, we're rich because of our faith in God.  Too many people have no purpose, meaning or hope in this life. Remind your kids often that God is a God of hope who placed us on this earth to do something that matters and makes a difference.

So whether you consider yourself wealthy or not, have the house or other possessions you've wanted, you really are rich. So think and live like it - even if you only wear T-shirts.

Live Like You Were Dying

I spoke a couple of days ago at the funeral of a friend who passed away at 52. He obviously left his family and friends way too soon.  And of course we've all been reminded, sometimes inappropriately,  that life could end any moment, any day. The issue isn't really how old we are but how many days do we have left.

But this week I was reminded as I thought about my friend Don and heard the many comments about his life that people really can live with the eternal and important in view. Don certainly did. I only wish that I could hear the phrase "servant heart" at my funeral as many times as I heard it at his.

Don didn't have an easy life. Yes, he had a wonderful wife, great kids to cherish and numerous talents. But he also had enough rocky roads to keep him focused on his own stuff most of the time. But instead he was known for serving and helping others. In fact the day he died he was assisting a friend in the hot sun.

He lived like he was dying, so that when the day came, he would have a full life doing the things that mattered.

Some, however, would say that thinking this way is just morbid. Why ponder the fact that we might die early?  But the reality is that when we embrace the possibility our life could end today we start to actually live accomplishing the things that really matter and hopefully for a long time!

Where do you start? Well, there are unique trails we all can take but here are a few suggestions. Spend regular time with your kids. No, not just being a taxi driver or spectator, but enjoying something together, being spontaneous and doing things no one else does.

If you are married , do the same with your spouse. Don't abandon each other for eighteen or twenty years while kids are around.

Serve others. When we give of our time, talents and resources to someone else our life takes on new meaning and significance like never before.

So are you truly living or instead living like you are dying? The latter is the best!

In Marriage Challenges Think About the Kids Too

Many have known or been the parents who decided to stay together because of the kids. At at times that may be noble or at least a wise decision.

But unfortunately some parents are more about the divorce and their own feelings and think little of the children and the impact their warring and selfishness have on the kids.

And while everyone's situation is certainly unique there are some principles and guidelines that would be worth considering if you and your spouse are going through hard times or already well down the road to separation or divorce.

First, limit how much of the angst your children see and feel. You're adults so wait to have your major blowups and disagreements for when the young ones aren't around or sleeping (and make sure they are). Yes, children must eventually know some things and if they are old enough probably already do. In those cases bring them into the situation carefully (more on that in a moment).

Second, don't do anything on purpose to add more antagonism in your children toward your spouse. Some spouses bring negativity on themselves and you can't help that but we can at least do our part to keep the children's relationship with their mom or dad as healthy as possible. If your marriage fails the kids deserve to still have a meaningful connection with both parents if possible.

Third, as things get worse, if they do, see that your kids have someone to talk to. A pastor, counselor, same-sex adult friend, therapist. They will need someone outside your relationship with whom they can speak honestly and share some of the emotions they most likely do not understand. Get some recommendations from clergy or local agencies as to who might be best.

Fourth, make sure that you and your spouse are getting help. If you're working on things then the things you learn can translate into your home and perhaps your marriage can be saved.

Don't stay in your marriage just for the kids. But don't leave your kids out of the process - they have feelings too and your example is one of the few they will have to follow.

It's Always Good To Consider The Cost When Climbing

Most of us like to find things on sale, don't we? Just today I bought sixty dollars worth of clothing for a little over ten dollars. I love when that happens. So do you I would bet.

However, there are some stores where even the sale price is still too much. It's then that I know I'm probably in the wrong place.

Sometimes when we're climbing through life we can think that the sale price of a decision or action is reasonable when in the end it's still too much.

For example, we're grieving the lost of a loved one and yet we think or have been persuaded that it's time for us to move forward in some area.

We're confident that enough time has passed and we'll be alright to try this new relationship or make a huge purchase or take on a new level of responsibility. And yet if we're not ready that choice may cost us more than we anticipated.

Or we're struggling through another phase of our illness and friends have told us we're ready for a trip anyway, that we need a break and should get away.  Maybe they went through similar circumstances and it was really helpful to them. And yet you go ahead and try the vacation and you're miserable. Why?  Because the cost of that action was different than it was for them. Your situation simply isn't the same.

It's important whether we're climbing on granite or through life that we remember our pace does not have to equal the pace of another. I know that on a climb I'm going to be slower than the young people and that if I expend too much energy early on I won't make it to the summit. We must know our limits and abilities in life as well so that we can afford the price of our climb.

While the sale may look good and have worked for someone else, it may not be that great of a deal for you. Don't get caught by what looks like a great bargain only to find out you had to pay dearly later and the discount wasn't even close to being worth it.

Yes, there are some life deals out there that really are worth considering. You really might be ready for that next step, new venture or big lifestyle change.  But before you make a major decision or tackle that next part of your climb, talk to wise people, experts, your doctor, a counselor . . . anyone who might add some insight and help you see any red flags that you need to see.

As an old commercial used to say, "You can pay me now or pay me later."  Paying later when we least expect it is rarely a good idea.