Sunday, November 4, 2012
Staying Around "Safe" People
Who would have thought that someone in security would actually be dangerous? The same can be true of people we allow in our lives especially when we're going through hard times and need extra protection. While we think they are secure they often can take from us more than they give.
Here are a few people to watch out for especially when you are hurting.
First of all, beware the person whose help is more about them than you. These people try to run your life, tell you what to do and rarely let up. They might be hurting themselves or making up for lost time, but they will wear you out before they will really help you. They tend to push you to get better, to heal, to get over your grief or whatever way before you're ready.
Second, stay away from people who seem to have all the answers. They can be in the first group as well, but not necessarily. Either way, they think their experiences should be yours, that you really don't know what you're doing and if you will just listen to them you will make faster progress.
Third, avoid people who offer more platitudes than care. Some people mean well but they really want to fix you more than understand you. They are uncomfortable with your struggle so they will often just say nice things that help little but will hopefully keep them from having to sit in their own discomfort. These people are not necessarily unkind, in fact they ultimately usually mean well. But they can drain you too.
They will quote their doctor, friend, a magazine article and even the Bible hoping that you will simply move on and not struggle anymore.
So, as you climb your personal mountain, look for people who will be both honest and authentic. We do need people who will say hard things to us when we need them. Stay around people who listen well and who don't have an agenda in being your friend or confidante.
Welcome people into your life who have walked some of the trail before you and can give you an honest perspective, not a wishful one.
The last person you want holding the rope for you is someone who is thinking more about themselves than you right then!