Just Because You're Right Doesn't Trump Stupid

I was driving to work the other day in my hometown of Austin, Texas. And as I headed down a very busy four-lane road that has no shoulder I encountered two avid riders taking up the entire right lane. They were also approaching a curve meaning that it was possible that some drivers at that point would come upon them going 50 miles and hour or more.

As you may know Austin is one of the homes of Lance Armstrong. As a result and also because this city is very health conscious, there are thousands who ride bikes around town every day. And our lawmakers have made rules about cars and riders that are very favorable to the rider.

Of course the safety of a rider against a several thousand pound car is of utmost importance though some would argue the rules are unreasonable for drivers. That's a discussion for another time. I've ridden thousands of miles myself in my lifetime. I love the fact that riding is so popular.

But back to the current topic. At present cars are supposed to stay at least three feet away from bike riders and technically they have a right, at least in Austin, to be riding together, side by side, and taking up a whole lane. But being right doesn't mean people should be stupid. These guys in my opinion were at best foolish. Those two or others like them may be dead before too long. Is that worth winning the argument?

In a similar way I'm concerned that those of us who climb mountains or face life challenges can sometimes lose perspective and do something we would argue is right but it may not be wise. Perhaps we're grieving and just lost someone we love. We may argue that we have the right to move, but it may not be smart until we've had more time to heal.

During our cancer we may boast that we have the strength to take a big trip and it's our prerogative but it may not be a good idea.

So how do you decide the difference between right and stupid?  

First, ask other wise people. If you're hearing the same thing from multiple friends and family consider the fact that they may see things you don't.  If it's a medical decision ask your doctor, an emotional one as a therapist or pastor.

Second, be honest. You know yourself, your history and how you have reacted to stress in the past. Use that knowledge and be honest. Face the fact that you have limitations or won't be able to do what someone else has done. It's OK.

Third, weigh the impact of the worst happening. If you try that climb, if you take that trip, if you buy that house and the practical worst  happens what would that mean?  Like those riders I saw in traffic - is it worth the likely possibility of them being badly hurt or killed?

Remember there are worst things than giving in or not winning an argument.  And one of them might be that you'll never have another argument to win ever again.

Being There When A Fellow Struggler Needs You

I don't know if you're a Bible reader or not but there's a helpful and interesting picture in the New Testament. Jesus is nearing the time when he is to be crucified so he and three of his disciples head off to what's known as the Garden of Gethsemane to pray.

However, it's interesting to note that gardens were not commonplace in a city like Jerusalem where space was no doubt at a premium. This garden was not a Central Park, but was more likely someone's private olive garden that they had made accessible to Jesus.

There was also someone who gave him a donkey to ride into the city on a week before and someone else who offered him the upper room where the disciples met for the famous Last Supper.  I'm sure Jesus was immensely thankful and appreciative for nameless friends who came alongside him during the time of his greatest need.

There are people in crisis, climbing steep mountains, all around us who need nameless friends who will come alongside them as well.  We may be a listener, drive the car, bring food, make a phone call now and then or literally walk with them through part of their journey.

Whatever the scenario they need us. They may not think they do but they do.  If there's anyone who really didn't "need" others in the big picture sense it was Jesus.  However, the human part of him was like the human part of us - he valued and even longed for the care of others.

We of course can't push or pressure or cajole others into taking our help but we can offer it. We can look for ways to simply be there, to provide something at just the right time or give some of our resources as needed. If we've been through their journey or a similar one we'll know even better what they need.

Whatever the case, look for someone today, this week, this month who you might come next to to love, encourage and listen to as they climb their personal mountain. I'm confident that they will walk a bit taller and stronger and you will somehow be better too.

In Crisis We Need Others

I was walking by a very nice lakeside home in Austin the other day. It was several stories high, had a nicely landscaped yard and was surrounded by a professionally installed fence.

However, as I approached the home, one I'd never seen before, I quickly noticed several signs. "Keep Out," "Private Property," "No Parking," and "Our guard dog can reach this fence in 3 seconds. Can you?"  I immediately thought, "How welcoming!"  I later learned that the people who live there have lots of money and are bored with life. Too bad they don't know that inviting people into your life can be a great cure for boredom and lots of other things.

It's especially important to not shut others out when we're going through hard times. While there are those who climb alone they are emotionally at a disadvantage. There's something energizing, powerful and encouraging when we go through crises with someone else nearby.

Those people may be relatives, friends, coworkers or neighbors. We don't need to include everyone but we need to include someone.

How are these fellow climbers helpful?  First of all they provide perspective. While we don't need know-it-all or easy answer people around us, wise friends can help us see our blind spots or things we could be doing that would help us on our journey.

Second, they offer someone to talk to. Sometimes during a challenging time we just need to talk things through and have someone listen to our thoughts, pains and concerns. That alone can be uplifting.

Third, they can provide incentive and the encouragement to keep going. Runners regularly use people who help them keep their pace going. Fellow travelers on our journey can do the same. They can remind us that the top is in view or to stop and see the views along the route. They can be there when we're ready to quit and remind us that we must go on and why.

Finally, they can offer us spiritual help. Great friends who pray are worth a lot. They can also help us see the difference between true thoughts and untrue ones.  Jesus wisely said that the truth will set us free.

So, if you're on a particularly tough journey, climbing a high personal mountain, invite some people to climb with you. They may have climbed your journey before you or just be willing to go with you. Either is fine.  Just don't climb alone.

Being Honest About Our Pain In A Crisis

My wife and I have been grandson-sitting for 2 year old Liam the past five days while his parents are out of town. So of course we have a lot of fun, play many games and read scores of books. And while we don't expect him to be some sort of super-kid, we do see him eager to learn, picking up a lot of facts, trying to count and the like.

So periodically we'll ask him what color something is. However, he's clearly not distinguishing them yet and at this point always says, "green." No problem though - that's what two-year-olds do. However, hurting people can also sound like our little grandson when asked what color they are. I'm referring to when people ask them about how they are doing or there is an opportunity for them to be real and honest with people who truly care.

Their version of green is to simply suggest they are fine, don't need anything or are much better. They feel like they must climb their mountain alone, stay anonymous about their pain and avoid anyone else's help.

Let me suggest a couple of reasons why we need to be real when we're in a painful crisis. First, we will have more resources to live life if we allow others to help. We're not only dealing with our struggle but we have to do the everyday things too - work, parent, shop, whatever.

Second, we give others the reward of helping us. When we won't be helped we actually steal from the healing and comfort others might receive by assisting in our time of need.

Third, we learn humility that will help us in other areas of life. I remember when my wife Jackie had cancer we had scores of people come to our aid. However, we had been in pastoral ministry for many years and were mostly used to helping others not being helped. God gave us an extra and needed measure of humility when we started to let others walk beside us.  And we certainly became more understanding when others were going through a similar journey.

So, whatever your struggle and no matter how high your mountain let some fellow climbers join you on your journey. Don't tell people you're just green all the time. Be honest when you can, share your hurts, hard times and disappointments. Because as Kermit the Frog often says, It's not easy being green.

The Brotherhood of the Rope

There's a phrase that most mountain climbers clearly understand.  It's known as  "The Brotherhood of the Rope."  It describes that bond, confidence and mutual reliance on one another that happens when climbers are roped together during their ascent.

There's a special sense that at that moment they need each other, that they have each others' backs and that making it to the top will be easier and better when they work together.

Brotherhood or working with others is essential for any mountain we're facing. There's something energizing and empowering when we climb with others.

Those fellow climbers may be relatives, church friends, neighbors or others facing the same personal mountain we're facing.  But it's important that we seek them out, tell our story and begin the climb together.  We may feel like we don't want others to know our struggle but don't go it alone.

Yes, in climbing circles there are solo climbers, some who even free climb without ropes. And sadly, many of them are dead. Sure there's nothing wrong with taking on a real mountain by yourself but most would tell you it's ultimately very dangerous.  It's rarely worth the risk.

So perhaps you are facing your new personal mountain for the first time or maybe you've been climbing it awhile. Whatever the case find some people to join you.  Get into a support group, call some friends, share the journey with some fellow strugglers.  God puts people around us for a reason.

And when you get to that next vista on your climb . . . you'll have someone to share it with.  Never quit climbing!