Find the Gold On Your Climb Today

A couple of summers ago my wife and I got to take an Alaskan cruise/tour. As I've talked about in earlier posts it was fantastic and we would go back in a heartbeat.

However, one of the fun things included in our schedule was a stop at a functioning gold mine and the chance to pan for gold. Having never done that before my wife and I like many others were pretty shaky in our technique.

I found myself swirling these little stones, sand and water around being fearful that I was going to lose the flecks of gold in the process. However our instructors reminded us that gold is the heaviest thing in the pan and it will stay in the pan as it settles to the bottom. Sure enough after a good number of minutes we were left with just the gold. I still have those flecks of it in a drawer at home.

So often in life challenges or relationships we too can spend a lot of time on things that don't matter that much and miss the gold.  It's right there in the pan but we get all caught up with the other stuff.  What might gold look like?  Here are a couple of suggestions.

Gold might be the good things that come out of our challenges.  You may be going through an especially rough period right now.  And when those times come we can start feeling sorry for ourselves or stay focused only on the hard parts. Sometimes we need to see the little gold nuggets of good that are coming out of our climb and be thankful for those.

Gold might be the little positive things a child or spouse does even when we're not getting along or doing well. Go find some gold in that person today and you might look at them differently and handle the resolution of the conflict more positively.

Gold might be an opportunity to help someone else today rather than just focus on your own stuff.

God could be stopping and noticing the miracle of life, a sunrise or a mountain view that takes your breath away.

Get the idea?  As they used to say, "There's gold in them thar hills," look for bits of gold in your world.  You'll be richer for it.

Watch Out For The Hidden Fees in Life

We were recently booking airfares with a discount airline that will remain nameless. However, while their fares looked extremely reasonable, significantly better than the others we were considering, we discovered that there was an extra fee for most everything.

You paid extra for a carry-on or if you didn't check that carry-on in online before the flight. You paid extra if you wanted to book a seat ahead of time and even more if you wanted a special seat of any kind. There was a whole page of extra fees listed on their website.  When it was all said and done their prices weren't that much less at all.

The same can be true in life and especially as we climb our personal mountains or face challenges. Certain people and experiences come with extra fees that can take their toll and cost us even more than we planned on.

For example, some people who appear to want to be helpful to us are not. They call us too much, they want to tell us how to fix our problems and in reality they want to help us more for their benefit than ours. Their helping us becomes more of a burden than a joy. They come with hidden fees.

Or, making big decisions at the wrong time can be costly. We sometimes make large purchases, switch jobs or move somewhere else while we're hurting badly.  It feels good at the time and perhaps dulls the pain for a while, but most experts say that we should save those big events for at least a year or two after a major loss or challenge. They too will likely have extra costs, often emotional ones, that we didn't anticipate.

We also likely pay a price when we isolate ourselves too much. We think that no one wants to be around us or that we don't have anything to offer others because of what we've been through. Actually the opposite is true. We often have much to give simply because we have been down a road that others have not. We may be able to provide them with counsel and encouragement that they need for their journey. Other people (except for the kind mentioned above) can remind us that life does go on and that we do still have a place.

Living life alone usually brings more hardship and challenge not less.

So, like a lot of purchases we might make, watch out for the hidden fees in everyday living. Make sure you've counted the cost as the Bible suggests and looked into the implications of your decisions or relationships before you get in too deep. Save your precious emotional resources for a better day.

Staying Around "Safe" People

It was recently discovered that a TSA airport employee had over time stolen $800,000 worth of stuff from people. Bad enough that someone would steal that much from unsuspecting people but it was done by someone who is supposed to help us be SAFE!

Who would have thought that someone in security would actually be dangerous?  The same can be true of people we allow in our lives especially when we're going through hard times and need extra protection. While we think they are secure they often can take from us more than they give.

Here are a few people to watch out for especially when you are hurting.

First of all, beware the person whose help is more about them than you. These people try to run your life, tell you what to do and rarely let up.  They might be hurting themselves or making up for lost time, but they will wear you out before they will really help you. They tend to push you to get better, to heal, to get over your grief or whatever way before you're ready.

Second, stay away from people who seem to have all the answers.  They can be in the first group as well, but not necessarily.  Either way, they think their experiences should be yours, that you really don't know what you're doing and if you will just listen to them you will make faster progress.

Third, avoid people who offer more platitudes than care. Some people mean well but they really want to fix you more than understand you.  They are uncomfortable with your struggle so they will often just say nice things that help little but will hopefully keep them from having to sit in their own discomfort.  These people are not necessarily unkind, in fact they ultimately usually mean well. But they can drain you too.

They will quote their doctor, friend, a magazine article and even the Bible hoping that you will simply move on and not struggle anymore.

So, as you climb your personal mountain, look for people who will be both honest and authentic.  We do need people who will say hard things to us when we need them. Stay around people who listen well and who don't have an agenda in being your friend or confidante.

Welcome people into your life who have walked some of the trail before you and can give you an honest perspective, not a wishful one.

The last person you want holding the rope for you is someone who is thinking more about themselves than you right then!

When and Why Our Heroes Fall

Well, it looks like Lance Armstrong's explanations have run out. He appears to be guilty of doping during the years he was winning cycling's greatest race. A lot of us have been let down again, haven't we? I live in Austin, Texas, Lance's hometown. Ugh.

And while many will still support him and others will want him crucified, I plan to do neither. But it is worth a look at why our heroes fall so much of the time and how we should respond. What can we learn that puts it all into perspective and reminds us of what is really true?

I mean how many times will we have to sigh huge sighs when another Tiger or U.S. senator or famous minister or movie star takes a personal or moral dive? Probably lots because it will happen again and again. So we need to re-think some things about what a hero really is and the kind of role they should or should not play in our lives.

First of all, there is a place for heroes. They are good to have as long as we don't worship them. Heroes can give us healthy role models to emulate, standards to aspire to and the inspiration to work harder at what we want to accomplish.

But second, we have forgotten that heroes are human just like us. While many of them truly do amazing things and accomplish feats few will copy, they still mess up. They lie, cheat and even steal sometimes. They never were what we probably believed them to be: superhuman? invincible? perfect?  No, their humanity doesn't excuse their often pitiful behavior, but it shouldn't surprise us.  It wouldn't shock us if we initially assumed that they were just everyday people who just happened to be very disciplined and accomplished.

Third, popularity and fame are dangerous entities and the human tendency is to hold on to them no matter the cost. Once the seduction of being sought after, winning all the time and enjoying the myriad perks takes hold, it's difficult to admit anything that could force someone to let go of it all. It seems like Lance finally tired of the charade. Most people just eventually get caught in the act and have no choice. Either way it's ultimately better but there is always a fight and there are always consequences.

Fourth, we need to find and recognize better heroes. And the good news is that they are all around us. They are parents who love their kids even when times are tough, they are service men and women along with police and firefighters who protect us. They include people with disabilities and other challenges who persevere and live meaningful lives anyway. They are giving men and women who serve others in soup kitchens, ministries, churches and agencies out of love for their God and others.

Yes, while there will be others who we've deemed as heroes who will fall, we will be less disappointed if we remember that the ones typically given the title of hero are not. Most of the real heroes will never be famous or rich or write a book, star on TV or play in the Super Bowl. But once we find those genuine heroes, they will change us and be less likely to ever let us down.

Hope: From Cactus To Flower

The past few weeks have brought an unusual number of pressures and challenges to my wife and me. The latest is a family illness where the unknowns bring significant emotional angst. We've also both been traveling, much of it separately, and our physical reserves are pretty low right now, too. Sleeping has been irregular and interrupted much of the time.


Nonetheless, Jackie, upon returning home from her trip, went to the store and bought some new little cacti to put out on the balcony of our condo. She really didn't have time to re-pot them or anything but planned to do that within a couple of days. Three of them sat for a day or so just outside the door wall.


However, the next day, Jackie looked and each of them had bloomed with a beautiful yellow flower. They brought tears to her eyes and a lump in my throat later to realize that from the middle of those prickly extensions came beauty that we had not seen before.


That was an important reminder that yes good can come from bad. That the miraculous can rise from evil. That resurrection comes after the burial. That joy can result from mourning. That life in God always wins over death.


You, too, may be experiencing your own challenges these days. And it's easy to only see and feel the sharp edges of them. The pain, sadness and even feelings of despair can be overwhelming.


And picturing a potential flower won't remove the cactus but it can help you deal with it better. It can assist you in coping, keep you from remaining paralyzed and help you remember that God may be doing something beautiful in and through your circumstances that you simply can't see. Keep watching for the flower.

Don't Park Where You Don't Belong

Have you seen those parking spaces labeled, For compact cars only? The problem is there are almost always large sized cars parked there. People see a space so they fill it.
The problem is the car doesn't fit and it keeps other people from parking safely.

In the same way, we can sometimes grab the first spot we see in life thinking that it's a good place to be and it's not. Our circumstances and situation don't fit and as a result we're miserable.

For example, others tell us it's time to move forward so we believe them and think we should be able to do what they tell us. Or others tell us we're going too fast so we slow down when we're actually ready to make some progress. You see their idea of a parking spot isn't necessarily what will work for us.

Or, someone else handles their grief or depression or loss a particular way so we just blindly follow their lead. That is usually a disaster. Our road and journey are unique and while we can learn from others we dare not try to simply imitate them.

Our car doesn't fit their space!

So, as you climb your personal mountain remember that your way of scaling it can and must be unique. You never need to do things the way other do or park your car in their space. It usually won't work but it's OK. Be yourself even during the challenging times of life. It will make your climb that much easier.

Being There When A Fellow Struggler Needs You

I don't know if you're a Bible reader or not but there's a helpful and interesting picture in the New Testament. Jesus is nearing the time when he is to be crucified so he and three of his disciples head off to what's known as the Garden of Gethsemane to pray.

However, it's interesting to note that gardens were not commonplace in a city like Jerusalem where space was no doubt at a premium. This garden was not a Central Park, but was more likely someone's private olive garden that they had made accessible to Jesus.

There was also someone who gave him a donkey to ride into the city on a week before and someone else who offered him the upper room where the disciples met for the famous Last Supper.  I'm sure Jesus was immensely thankful and appreciative for nameless friends who came alongside him during the time of his greatest need.

There are people in crisis, climbing steep mountains, all around us who need nameless friends who will come alongside them as well.  We may be a listener, drive the car, bring food, make a phone call now and then or literally walk with them through part of their journey.

Whatever the scenario they need us. They may not think they do but they do.  If there's anyone who really didn't "need" others in the big picture sense it was Jesus.  However, the human part of him was like the human part of us - he valued and even longed for the care of others.

We of course can't push or pressure or cajole others into taking our help but we can offer it. We can look for ways to simply be there, to provide something at just the right time or give some of our resources as needed. If we've been through their journey or a similar one we'll know even better what they need.

Whatever the case, look for someone today, this week, this month who you might come next to to love, encourage and listen to as they climb their personal mountain. I'm confident that they will walk a bit taller and stronger and you will somehow be better too.

In Crisis We Need Others

I was walking by a very nice lakeside home in Austin the other day. It was several stories high, had a nicely landscaped yard and was surrounded by a professionally installed fence.

However, as I approached the home, one I'd never seen before, I quickly noticed several signs. "Keep Out," "Private Property," "No Parking," and "Our guard dog can reach this fence in 3 seconds. Can you?"  I immediately thought, "How welcoming!"  I later learned that the people who live there have lots of money and are bored with life. Too bad they don't know that inviting people into your life can be a great cure for boredom and lots of other things.

It's especially important to not shut others out when we're going through hard times. While there are those who climb alone they are emotionally at a disadvantage. There's something energizing, powerful and encouraging when we go through crises with someone else nearby.

Those people may be relatives, friends, coworkers or neighbors. We don't need to include everyone but we need to include someone.

How are these fellow climbers helpful?  First of all they provide perspective. While we don't need know-it-all or easy answer people around us, wise friends can help us see our blind spots or things we could be doing that would help us on our journey.

Second, they offer someone to talk to. Sometimes during a challenging time we just need to talk things through and have someone listen to our thoughts, pains and concerns. That alone can be uplifting.

Third, they can provide incentive and the encouragement to keep going. Runners regularly use people who help them keep their pace going. Fellow travelers on our journey can do the same. They can remind us that the top is in view or to stop and see the views along the route. They can be there when we're ready to quit and remind us that we must go on and why.

Finally, they can offer us spiritual help. Great friends who pray are worth a lot. They can also help us see the difference between true thoughts and untrue ones.  Jesus wisely said that the truth will set us free.

So, if you're on a particularly tough journey, climbing a high personal mountain, invite some people to climb with you. They may have climbed your journey before you or just be willing to go with you. Either is fine.  Just don't climb alone.