The Black Holes That Tend to Defeat Us

I'm not much of a scientist. Ok, I'm not at all a scientist. I hated biology, struggled with chemistry and almost failed physics. But I have heard of black holes in space. And while I'm sure they are complicated essentially their strong gravitational pull drags everything around them into them. In fact the term black hole is now used in everyday language to describe anything that continually consumes resources, time or energy.

Unfortunately, there are lots of everyday black holes in life that particularly hinder those of us who are climbing, climbing our own personal mountains, trying to overcome big-time challenges and the like.

Let me suggest a few as a warning and to perhaps help you separate yourself from one or more that are holding you back.

There is the black hole of your past. The things that were said about you, the disappointments you had, the goals you never reached or the failures you experienced. They  have a way of sucking the life out of us so that we never try anything, stay stuck in a dead end job or continually just dull our pain.

There is the black hole of denial.  There are things you need to face, deal with, change and admit but you keep looking the other way never wanting to face your own culpability, weaknesses and flaws.

There is the black hole of blame. In your denial, you spend much of your time blaming other people.  If only they hadn't acted or spoken a certain way your life would be so much different. And maybe that's true but your continued blame of them has you paralyzed. There are things you could do, make better and change about your thinking but your focus on others keeps you stuck.

There is the black hold of comfort. Changing, improving, overcoming and getting to the summit all require work and you're pretty comfortable where you are. You're like the people who stop at the chalet going up the mountain to have some hot chocolate and rest. The problem is they like it there so much they quit climbing and never go any further.

Do you see the problem with black holes?  They are the kind of thing that keep sucking life, energy, hope and peace out of us. Maybe you have different ones than those I've described. Face them and then destroy them. They have no right to run your life or stop your progress. Ask God to give you insight, wisdom and strength to keep going.

The black holes in space are probably there to stay but yours can be gone if you'll just demand it.

Staying Around "Safe" People

It was recently discovered that a TSA airport employee had over time stolen $800,000 worth of stuff from people. Bad enough that someone would steal that much from unsuspecting people but it was done by someone who is supposed to help us be SAFE!

Who would have thought that someone in security would actually be dangerous?  The same can be true of people we allow in our lives especially when we're going through hard times and need extra protection. While we think they are secure they often can take from us more than they give.

Here are a few people to watch out for especially when you are hurting.

First of all, beware the person whose help is more about them than you. These people try to run your life, tell you what to do and rarely let up.  They might be hurting themselves or making up for lost time, but they will wear you out before they will really help you. They tend to push you to get better, to heal, to get over your grief or whatever way before you're ready.

Second, stay away from people who seem to have all the answers.  They can be in the first group as well, but not necessarily.  Either way, they think their experiences should be yours, that you really don't know what you're doing and if you will just listen to them you will make faster progress.

Third, avoid people who offer more platitudes than care. Some people mean well but they really want to fix you more than understand you.  They are uncomfortable with your struggle so they will often just say nice things that help little but will hopefully keep them from having to sit in their own discomfort.  These people are not necessarily unkind, in fact they ultimately usually mean well. But they can drain you too.

They will quote their doctor, friend, a magazine article and even the Bible hoping that you will simply move on and not struggle anymore.

So, as you climb your personal mountain, look for people who will be both honest and authentic.  We do need people who will say hard things to us when we need them. Stay around people who listen well and who don't have an agenda in being your friend or confidante.

Welcome people into your life who have walked some of the trail before you and can give you an honest perspective, not a wishful one.

The last person you want holding the rope for you is someone who is thinking more about themselves than you right then!

The Truth Will Set You Free When Climbing

Famous playwright Oscar Wilde once said, "I love acting. It is so much more real than life." Hmm . . . clever quote but I'm not sure he was right. So many people live a lot of their lives and even climb their climbs without being very real about their abilities, limitations and uniquenesses. And in the long run, they get hurt by covering up who they really are and pretending they are something or someone they are not.

When I was more actively sport climbing, I would watch these young and more able climbers knocking off their 5.10's, 5.11's and harder. And at times I would be a little embarrassed to walk back to my easier routes knowing I wasn't as good as they were. I was secretly hoping they would think I was in the same category as they were.

But the truth of the matter was that I simply didn't have their youth or skills. The good news was that I didn't need to be like them. If you're a big-time climber you need not be asking yourself why you're not more like Ed Viesturs or Chris Sharma. But you should ask yourself why you're not more like you! God made you the way you are and all you can do is be the best you can be.

If you're climbing a personal mountain like cancer, don't long to be more like the relative or friend you know. Climb your own route at your own pace. If you're grieving, grieve your way. If you've lost a job, learn  from others in your search but blaze your own unique trail to find another one.

When it's all said and done, life is enriched by having all sorts of different people in your life and others will be better by having you around them, too. So accept who you are, where you are and how you got there. There may be some parts of your journey or climb you'd rather change but that's all in the past now.

Your weaknesses, mistakes and limits will actually help you learn to do better in the future and avoid upcoming pitfalls.

So climb on with courage and authenticity. You don't need to fake it. Admire and respect those who are ahead of you. Encourage those who may be behind. But whatever you do, be who you are!  You matter.