The Black Holes That Tend to Defeat Us

I'm not much of a scientist. Ok, I'm not at all a scientist. I hated biology, struggled with chemistry and almost failed physics. But I have heard of black holes in space. And while I'm sure they are complicated essentially their strong gravitational pull drags everything around them into them. In fact the term black hole is now used in everyday language to describe anything that continually consumes resources, time or energy.

Unfortunately, there are lots of everyday black holes in life that particularly hinder those of us who are climbing, climbing our own personal mountains, trying to overcome big-time challenges and the like.

Let me suggest a few as a warning and to perhaps help you separate yourself from one or more that are holding you back.

There is the black hole of your past. The things that were said about you, the disappointments you had, the goals you never reached or the failures you experienced. They  have a way of sucking the life out of us so that we never try anything, stay stuck in a dead end job or continually just dull our pain.

There is the black hole of denial.  There are things you need to face, deal with, change and admit but you keep looking the other way never wanting to face your own culpability, weaknesses and flaws.

There is the black hole of blame. In your denial, you spend much of your time blaming other people.  If only they hadn't acted or spoken a certain way your life would be so much different. And maybe that's true but your continued blame of them has you paralyzed. There are things you could do, make better and change about your thinking but your focus on others keeps you stuck.

There is the black hold of comfort. Changing, improving, overcoming and getting to the summit all require work and you're pretty comfortable where you are. You're like the people who stop at the chalet going up the mountain to have some hot chocolate and rest. The problem is they like it there so much they quit climbing and never go any further.

Do you see the problem with black holes?  They are the kind of thing that keep sucking life, energy, hope and peace out of us. Maybe you have different ones than those I've described. Face them and then destroy them. They have no right to run your life or stop your progress. Ask God to give you insight, wisdom and strength to keep going.

The black holes in space are probably there to stay but yours can be gone if you'll just demand it.

Luck Rarely Gets You To The Summit

I was in a convenience store recently and watched the woman in front of me plunk down sixty dollars for lottery tickets. And maybe she felt that this was a particularly lucky week but I got the feeling she did this all the time. It wasn't one of the "mega" type jackpots either where people spend all sorts of money once a year hoping to win the hundreds of millions.

She, like many, was probably hoping that luck would change everything and she was willing to sacrifice some of her resources to take that risk? And could a life change by playing the lottery? I suppose so though the statistics aren't very good for people who suddenly get rich. Even so, there's only one chance in scores of millions that any one person wins anyway.

It seems to me that luck is a pretty risky way to try and climb higher in life. Luck rarely gets people through cancer to a new job after many lean years or moved on following a messy divorce. Luck has no real power to help us other than to show up now and then but we can't control it anyway.

Summiting, whether a granite mountain or a life challenge, requires some other important things be substituted for mere good fortune. Like what?

Knowledge is a good place to start. Learning what we can about our disease, our challenge or options to  is vital. And in the age of the Internet (though not everything there is true or helpful) there is no excuse for not learning more.

I remember coming down Mt. of the Holy Cross in Colorado with my son. Unfortunately we got lost on the way down in the fields of boulders. There were cairns that we saw on the way up but we unwisely didn't look for them and got off the best route back to our trail. So we bushwacked our way hustling to outrun an approaching storm so we could get down to treeline.

All of a sudden we came upon a trail thinking we would be way off course only to realize later that it was the right one. We got lucky! But we would have done better if we simply had been better prepared and learn the correct route ahead of time.

Taking some wise next steps also beats luck. Many people get paralyzed by their struggle so they spend lots of time and energy hoping that something (like the lottery) or someone will get them out of their jam. And of course other insightful people can be wonderfully helpful but sometimes we need to merely take some next steps too and go as far as we can with what we know.

If you're on a challenging mountain like Everest you'd better plan to get to base camp first before you start thinking much about camp 4. And often that success, though limited, can also give you some encouragement and momentum.

Third, persevering always beats luck. Lucky people rarely win or even finish races but those who keep going usually at least finish. That's why I call this blog and website Never Quit Climbing. Don't stop, don't get paralyzed, don't give up. In fact the best option is to make the decision to keep going before you ever start out.

Perseverance is a decision, but one you probably don't want to try to make on the spot.

But whatever you do don't count on luck. If it bails you out from time to time, OK. But remember luck is just that - the chance that something good happens when you most need it. The better way is to do what you need to do so you never need it in the first place.

Winning Isn't Always The Answer to Success

A few months ago I heard Tiger Woods say this during his recent personal and professional struggles, "Winning takes care of everything."  Oh, if that were only true. Unfortunately for him and many others that's not the case. Winning some golf tournaments, climbing competitions or even a few more arguements doesn't fix the past.

In this context winning is just another drug, a second shot of novocaine to dull the pain of what's happened in our lives. If we truly want to win, even during challenging times, we'll consider a few other healthier or more productive actions.

We'll ask forgiveness if we need to. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to be honest and simply tell those we've hurt that we're sorry for the hurt we caused them. We ask them to forgive us though they may never forget what we did. They don't have to forget.

We'll make necessary changes. Come hell or high water we will NOT stay the same. We will bring people into our lives who will hold us accountable, remove actions and temptations that plague us every day and substitute new behaviors and thinking for the old. When we own our mistakes and actions everything does being to change.

We'll look deeply at what got us or our relationships into trouble in the first place. It's not easy to look deep inside and see things that are out of line, thinking that is skewed or attitudes that need adjustments.  But that's the place we must go if we are to find any tumors that have caused us to be where we are.

We'll apply our faith to it all. God is all about second and third and fourth chances. And while there may always be consequences we will have to live with, God wants to forgive us and offer us a new start. That's where our faith really gets tested and grows.  Sometimes I think God allows us to go through challenges and face mountains just so we will grow in ways we would not otherwise.

No, winning doesn't change everything. It's our hard work and desire to grow from the past that does.  Start now.

Sometimes Climbers Of All Kinds Seek the Wrong Goals

I'm currently reading Ed Viestur's book on Annapurna called The Will to Climb. And much of the book explains the history of the many expeditions and brave climbers who took on this incredibly hard mountain. In the middle of it all were those like Ed who at least entertained the goal of climbing all fourteen peaks above 8,000 meters.

The leader of that pack was one of the world's most revered climbers Reinhold Messner, the first in the world to climb them all (Ed Viesturs was the first American and he also did it without supplemental oxygen). However, it's important to note that closing the loop or climbing them all was only a secondary goal for Messner. His primary goal was one all of us who climb granite or even life's mountains would be wise to keep in mind.

Messner writes, "Climbing increasingly harder routes, setting myself new targets, was of far greater importance to me."

It's easy for us to become enamored with our own records or accomplishments and miss reaching the more important, though perhaps less noticed, goals in life. We want to be better than someone else, overcome our struggle faster or make some sort of name for ourself when there are far more important things.

Like what? Perhaps just doing the next thing, maybe reaching a place just farther down the trail than last time or getting to a new personal record of some sort. Some of us are possibly stuck because we're failing over and over again at some goal or target that really isn't that important. What we may need to do is find a new dream or at least one different from everyone else and go for it whatever that means.

Maybe God has some unique goal and plan designed just for us that we're missing because we're obsessed with climbing the wrong mountain or overcoming in ways that just aren't possible right now.

Try praying for and looking for some other goal more within your reach and purvue. No, don't settle for less, just something else. Chances are it will still be some big mountain that you'll need every resource including God to reach. But my hunch is that once you go for that one you'll know you're now on the trail you should have been on all along.

Updating Your Attitude App

If you own a smartphone with applications on it you know that quite often a message comes telling you the app needs an update. Sometimes it's just a small thing, other times it involves a pretty significant change.  Nonetheless, if those apps never get tweaked they will become old, outdated and ineffective.

In the same way, we climbers will need our attitudes updated from time to time if we're going to continue overcoming and making it up our personal mountain. Why?  Because life, hard climbing,  and challenges take their toll on our attitudes. They can slowly cause our inner person to deteriorate without us even noticing.

For example, we can become complacent and just not want to try as hard. Or we get discouraged and simply want to quit. Or we're thinking so far ahead about all we may face that we have little energy left to deal with what we are facing right now.  We can forget to be thankful because we're overwhelmed by the hardships we encounter every day and substitute anger or bitterness instead.

We can become bitter because the climb seems to never end.

So how do we update our apps . . . I mean attitudes?  First, we need to get around more positive people.  No, not mere blue sky painters but people who will help us regain our perspective and see our blind spots.

Second, we need to regularly take inventory of how we are blessed. Start thanking God for everyday things that you still have even though you're facing a major challenge right now.

Third, go serve someone else. If you're a cancer patient go sit or ride with someone else going through cancer treatments too. Get you eyes off of you and onto them for awhile.

Or, talk to someone about it, a counselor, pastor, friend or mentor. Let them shed some light on where you are and how you might change your thinking in other ways.

I don't know about you, but the apps on my phone are changing all the time. It's normal and OK. So don't be afraid to do regular updates on your attitudes. They usually affect everything.

Overcoming, Like Climbing, Is Always Risky

I remember one of my first attempts at any serious rock climbing. A group of young dads had taken one of our kids out to Colorado for a four-day weekend adventure.  One of those days included some climbing and rappelling all under the tutelage of some experienced guides.

The main route that they had set up for us was pretty challenging, at least for us, and we spent a good part of the day doing the route or watching others tackle it. But after a while, the guides told us there were a couple of other routes we could try if we wanted a little more challenge. So a friend of mine, a body builder, strong-as-an-ox kind of guy, and I decided we would go for a little more.

He started up the one route as I looked on. And I saw him struggle significantly, especially at one point in his climb, but eventually he made it. So now it was my turn. And sure enough I got to the same place where he had difficulty and saw no way to make it any further. To do so would require a significant go-for-it moment that I was pretty sure I was not going to succeed in doing.

Of course I was safely roped in.  Missing the move wouldn't kill me but it might mess big time with my pride and personhood. Nonetheless, my friend encouraged me on. And within a few minutes I was touching the top of the ledge with a big smile on my face and some new confidence and pride in my soul.

A lot of us as we climb through life may find ourselves stalled because of big challenges or moves in front of us. We may feel like turning back or giving up. The risk might seem high and perhaps it is.  But will you ever get to the next step of your journey if you don't try?  Could you be missing out on a level of satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment that you would never have by staying put?

Even in your difficulties what will be the benefits of turning back or giving up?  There aren't many, if any.

What keeps you from going on?  Fear? Lack of confidence? Past failures? Pride?  Don't let those things paralyze you.

This week, this month, this year, take a healthy risk that you haven't taken before.  Try something new, meet some new people, go serve someone else, go for it. Let the encouragements of friends spur you on but trust the power of the rope - God, others, past successes.  Remember the view from the top is worth it.

Find the Gold On Your Climb Today

A couple of summers ago my wife and I got to take an Alaskan cruise/tour. As I've talked about in earlier posts it was fantastic and we would go back in a heartbeat.

However, one of the fun things included in our schedule was a stop at a functioning gold mine and the chance to pan for gold. Having never done that before my wife and I like many others were pretty shaky in our technique.

I found myself swirling these little stones, sand and water around being fearful that I was going to lose the flecks of gold in the process. However our instructors reminded us that gold is the heaviest thing in the pan and it will stay in the pan as it settles to the bottom. Sure enough after a good number of minutes we were left with just the gold. I still have those flecks of it in a drawer at home.

So often in life challenges or relationships we too can spend a lot of time on things that don't matter that much and miss the gold.  It's right there in the pan but we get all caught up with the other stuff.  What might gold look like?  Here are a couple of suggestions.

Gold might be the good things that come out of our challenges.  You may be going through an especially rough period right now.  And when those times come we can start feeling sorry for ourselves or stay focused only on the hard parts. Sometimes we need to see the little gold nuggets of good that are coming out of our climb and be thankful for those.

Gold might be the little positive things a child or spouse does even when we're not getting along or doing well. Go find some gold in that person today and you might look at them differently and handle the resolution of the conflict more positively.

Gold might be an opportunity to help someone else today rather than just focus on your own stuff.

God could be stopping and noticing the miracle of life, a sunrise or a mountain view that takes your breath away.

Get the idea?  As they used to say, "There's gold in them thar hills," look for bits of gold in your world.  You'll be richer for it.

Going On Even When Bad Things Happen

There was a poignant movie that came out in the last few years called Super 8. It describes a time during the summer of 1979 when a group of friends witness a train crash and investigate subsequent unexplained events in their small town.

But there was an especially profound line in that movie that I've not forgotten.  Bad things happen but you can still live.  Unfortunately, a lot of people who face big time challenges or mountains in their lives don't know that. They somehow think that real, meaningful and purposeful life for them ended at some point. They feel paralyzed and spend most of their time just existing not living.

The good news is that we don't have to allow our circumstances to dictate whether we can still embrace life or not. Yes, there may be obstacles to overcome and life may be forever changed in some way but we can still live fully and vibrantly.

Here are some suggestions that might help.

First, take inventory and be reminded and thankful for what you still have.  Do you still have family, a home, resources, certain aspects of good health?  The list will depend on what you have and have not lost. Everyone's situation will be different. But be thankful for and enjoy what is still there. It matters.

Second, go do some things that you still enjoy. Music, sports, recreation, dancing, reading, socializing.  Go at your own pace, you may need to grieve or recuperate but start somewhere. Move. Depressed people often stay depressed because they think they can't function normally anymore. That's a lie and you need to convince yourself of that by taking action.

Third, serve someone else. It might be for someone going through something similar to yours or who is actually behind you on their journey. Go and care for them, teach them what you know while still growing yourself.  Often when we focus on others we get the attention off of us.

Finally, pray. You may not have a faith or spiritual background but I am confident that God is strongest when we are the weakest and that it grieves Him, too, to see us stuck. Ask Him to give you new strength, perspective and initiative. He still has a purpose for you, you know.

Yes, bad things happen to us all and they are not all our fault.  But we can take them on and still live.  In fact, we must. There's lot of life to still be lived.

 

Life Reminders After 8 Days In the Mountains

Jackie and I just returned from some much needed rest and hiking in the Rockies. We were away only a little over a week but we found ourselves seeing once again how many things about life the high places teach us. Here are a view worth re-visiting.

First, you'll miss a lot if you succumb to only taking the easy option. Our hikes weren't nearly as extensive or challenging as some might do, but there were a couple of days when we wondered if we should push ourselves too hard. "Why go to THAT lake up another couple of miles when we could stay right here and enjoy this scenery?"

But each time we went beyond our preconceived limits we realized what we would have missed staying put. Mountain views, animal life and sunsets were just a few of the rewards. What a mistake it would have been to just remain comfortable.

Second, life is a lot about relationships with people. Along the trail we met a wide variety of individuals and families. Sometimes we took each other's pictures, other times we talked a little bit about where we were from. A group even found an extra lens that Jackie accidentally dropped from her good camera. We would never have found it without them.

Another young girl asked to borrow our sunscreen. We told each other about mountain goat sightings. While we relished the peace and quiet that we often had, we also loved the meaningful, authentic and spontaneous interaction with fellow climbers.

Third, there is more to life and creation than what we see everyday. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone to be reminded of the greatness and majesty of the world all around us. The beauty of a flower, the power of a 50 mph wind and the size of a 14000' peak all spoke volumes to us about a greatness beyond ourselves and a Creator who made and controls it all.

Finally, the beaten path is rarely the most memorable one.  Rarely did we or others rave about what they saw in a local restaurant, on TV in the condo or their drive from out of state. The greatest stories were told about situations and places people had never been before or which had at least pushed them beyond their normal limits.

While you may be going up a trail that is challenging and beyond your usual scope of life, embrace it as a different climb, one with the potential to teach you lessons like the ones we learned this week.

Climb on.

Making A Difference Makes A Difference

Mark suffers from significant depression. It's not all his fault. Much of his down-ness is a result of clinical, physiological factors. Nonetheless, he feels lonely and discouraged most of the time. He thinks he's been a failure with his kids who are now adults.

I don't think a day goes by when Mark isn't confronted by the blackness of his despair.

And yes, Mark needs medications prescribed by a psychiatrist and has tried most of them, if not all. He's currently trying a new electronic stimulus regimen that has shown some promise. I wish him the best in that.

However, it's important to know that there are typically parts of depression that those who suffer can do something about, even those with cases as severe as Mark's. No, we can't treat the biological factors but we can do something about those symptoms that come from a different place - our mind.

And one of the prevailing thoughts of people who are depressed is that they simply do not matter any more.  They've come to believe that they serve little to no meaningful purpose in this life and that nothing they do any more really makes a difference. And of course that kind of thinking only fuels their depression rather than helping it.

So what does someone who thinks they don't matter any more do? They act in ways that matter.  Or as the title of this article suggest, making a difference makes a difference!

How can that happen if you or someone you know is depressed?  Go back and take inventory of your gifts, talents and resources.  Remind yourself what you still have to offer others.

Second, start using those resources to serve someone else. Depending on your condition you may have to start simple and small, but start somewhere. Volunteer at your church or a nearby shelter, do something kind for a neighbor, offer to assist at the school or just intentionally do something extra special for your family.

Third, chart your progress. Journal, keep a notebook, meet with a counselor, or whatever but periodically take note of how you  have moved on and what you have done for others.

Start making a difference again. Build into someone else's life and get the attention and focus off of you. Because making a difference now will make all the difference later.

Use What You Have To Best Climb Your Mountain

I was watching ESPN's Game Day recently where fans stand behind the hosts for two hours rooting for their favorite team. Of course the crowd is always filled with lots of homemade posters but I saw one I hadn't seen before. It read, This Is A Poster.  Yep, it sure was a poster. And I'm confident those who made it just wanted to be funny but you have to admit they weren't very creative compared to the others.

Their sign reminded me that a lot of us settle for the easy way or simply don't try using the resources we do have on our personal journeys. When it comes to artwork I'm not very creative or talented so my poster wouldn't outshine many others but I could have done better than that one I saw on television. In the same way, many of us climbing our personal mountains need to think about what we DO have that can help us go higher rather than giving up and doing the bare minimums.

So what resources might we have available to us?

First, we have other people. Yes, it's easy to think that we can't accept the help of others, but successful people rarely do everything alone. They take advantage of the good hearts and resources that others usually want to share with them, especially when they are facing hard times. In fact, we steal from the joy they could have by assisting us with their ideas, resources and time.

Second, we have ideas we haven't thought of before. Sometimes challenges actually can motivate us to try things we've tried and consider using our life in ways we never dreamed we could serve.  Mountain climbers do this kind of thing all the time.  I regularly read books of climbers who were attempting to conquer mountains or routes that had never been overcome. Most of the time, they had to get creative and try something they hadn't planned on to really be successful.  Maybe you need to get creative if you're going to keep going.

Third, we have the inspiration of others who have gone before us. We need to regularly talk to and read about others who have walked our trail before us. Their successes and perspective can inspire us to not quit, give us ideas on how to make it and in a sense walk beside us on our journey.

So, as you climb, remember you have more resources with you than perhaps you thought. Never quit climbing.