Paralyzed By The Fear of Change

We moved a couple of months ago. It's why I haven't written on this blog for a couple of months. We packed up our stuff, departed Austin, Texas a place we loved, and headed for the Midwest. And we love our new location, the smaller town, less traffic and for now great weather. (Oh yeah, winter is coming).

But I have to admit change is hard. Some of the fear is simply knowing all the effort it will take. Moving, for example, requires getting used to and finding new relationships, new service providers and new surroundings. Let's face it - it would be a lot easier to stay put.

Most change on the surface seems like the harder option. Add to that the struggle that we are currently facing, the personal mountain that has us sucking air and we're ready to avoid change at all costs.

But change is an important part of life and a vital component to getting healthy and staying healthy. Change is more than inevitable. It's essential for growth and healing.

So how do we best deal with changes we know are coming.

First, learn what you can before the major change occurs. Get as much information about where you're going or what you're going to be experiencing or who you'll be connecting with. Knowledge matters and frees us in many ways.

Second, embrace the change by figuring out how to maximize its benefit. Find out some ways to have fun in the change. What could you do to add some variety or something special to the process?  On some of our trips up north we took some extra time and saw a few sights along the way. Now that we're here we're exploring every week, finding new things to do and see.

Third, be patient. Remember that it will take time to adjust even with a great attitude. Relationships aren't built overnight and you'll have to grieve what you lost from leaving the last place or giving up the old way.

The good news is that change is your friend. In fact, it can be the glue that holds you together while y ou face the next part of your mountain. Like the waiter hoping for a tip, the best words you want to hear are, "Keep the change."  Keep some in your life. It won't kill you.

Improving Your "Serve" When You're Hurting Will Serve You Well.

Do you know anybody who seems paralyzed by their circumstances?  No, they're usually not really paralyzed but they live that way. They are so overwhelmed and burdened by what has happened to them that they become mired in the quick sand of the events that seemingly changed their lives. They have lost their motivation to do much of anything much less do something for someone else.

It is though they took their worth and purpose, placed it on a silver platter and handed it to someone else to care for.  Maybe you're someone like this.

If so, there is hope for you. But you'll have to look beyond the comfort of your home and the safety of sitting around doing nothing.

The hope will come from a place you might least expect it: serving someone else. 

When we decide to serve others several good things happen. First of all, we begin to realize that we aren't the only person around hurting or struggling. We see that we're not alone and we often find someone who can speak into us as well and provide encouragement and strength.

Second, we see clearly that we do have something to offer others. Our experiences can often be the journey up the trail that someone else needs to help them make it. The fact that we have been there can encourage another person and convince them that yes they too can make it.

Third, we get our eyes off our personal issues. Sure the struggle will still be there but it doesn't own most of our time, thinking, and activities. We control our problems better when we enter into those of others.

So, do you want to get better? Think about improving your serve. Start now. Start today. And don't quit.

Don't Stay Hurting Just Because of Fear

My wife and I were watching our two-and-a-half year old grandson Liam today and while we were crossing a parking lot to the playground he fell and scraped both knees a bit. It was a typical fall and the scrapes weren't too bad at all.

After we picked him up and got to the playground he was fine and played for awhile. However in the car he mentioned that his knees hurt, likely starting to sting a little, so my wife said she would clean his scrapes off when we got home. To which he replied, "Don't clean them, I want to stay hurt."

Whew! How many times have I in so many words heard those same thoughts from people in crisis or pain from their past. Don't ask me to change or get better. I'd rather just live in my hurt. 

Why won't some people climb higher and walk out of the valley of their dysfunction, pain or terrible circumstances? I think most of the time it's about fear. Fear of making a mistake, letting others down or just facing the unknown. They often don't know how to live any other way so it's easy just to stay put.

Don't live there if that represents you. It's time to get climbing and not stay hurt anymore. Yes, there are unknowns but trust me staying the same and where you are is not the answer.

First, get some help. Ask someone to counsel, mentor or just come alongside you as you take those first steps toward health, healing or restoration. It's always easier to walk uphill with someone at your side.

Second, say goodbye to the past. Literally hear yourself saying the words, Past hurts and circumstances, you have no right control my life so I will not let you control me or my progress for one more minute.  God certainly never intended for us to be run by people, events and challenges that have come into our lives. He wants to help you live in freedom, not dependency.

Third, commit to some first or next steps. Literally write down what you're going to do next to start up the hill of your climb and to get on with life. Remember happiness is a choice or as one writer put it, Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.

Don't Miss Imporant Lessons in a Tragedy

We all will face some sort of devastating experience, illness, or loss in our lifetime. Some of us have even faced what may seem horribly unfair especially when compared to others. And while we should never minimize our struggle or those of others there are important things we can and must take away from and yes through even the worst of times.

Let me suggest a few.

First, we can learn more about what really matters. Many people in Austin, Texas where I currently live lost their homes to wild fires this past week. When it comes to possessions most of them have nothing or very little. But I've already heard story after story of individuals and families who still feel blessed to be alive, to hug their spouse and children and to know they can at least start over. They've realized that their stuff was just stuff.

Second, we can be reminded of what other people will do for us when we're down. Sure there are people who will always be selfish jerks. But there are many more who come alongside us when we're hurting and ask nothing in return. Churches share Christ's love in tangible ways, neighbors give of what they have even when it's not very much and people go across the city or state just to help.

Third, we will see things done for us that we will do for others later.  Often the person who cares for others most is the one who was helped the most. A woman came to our church the other day to help those impacted by the fires. Who was she? The wife of a man recently killed in a tragic accident! She knows how much even the smallest actions matter to people who are hurting. And she was reminded that her life in spite of her tragic circumstances still matters.

Yes, we must be free to hurt, grieve, rest and heal. And our journey is our journey and need not be similar to that of anyone else. We will need time and we will never totally forget the impact of our tragedy. But be sure to take the time to embrace the life lessons that can still enrich, bless and encourage you and  your family both now and for years to come, even in the worst of times.